Monsters
14 years ago
April 13, 2010
Seriously, seriously, stop deflating my tires. I'm at a breaking point. I can't handle any more surprises or stress. So, whoever you are, whatever you are, please....leave me alone for a few weeks. Once I'm with Brandon, bring it on. He can keep me safe with his freakishly good luck. But, until then, go away.
I made it a block before I realized my tire was flat. Again. Different tire. In case you've forgotten...I just paid $305.67 for brand new tires. Four of them! So to have a flat tire today was...unexpected. I suspect outside forces at work. Malicious gnomes, if you catch my drift.
Fortunately, I had the good sense to pay extra for my tires to get the "this covers any and everything that could happen to your tires" warranty. It'll get fixed. For free. BUT....it'll take time. I have to take the tire OFF, first of all, and put the spare back ON. Drive the 11 miles to the tire shop with a car full of every single thing I own.
The issue here isn't even the inconvenience. It is the fear. The fear that things are going wrong for a reason. The fear of the unknown or the uncontrolled. The fear that I'm going to get a flat tire and be stranded somewhere between Chicago and my parents, or worse, my parents and Austin.
I had an interesting talk with someone last night. His girlfriend is having a really tough run of luck (much tougher than mine, and I do feel guilty for whining) anyhow, she's having a tough run of luck lately. As a result, she has been systematically pushing him away. We spent a bit of time sort of...conjecturing as to why that may be.
In a very micro level I could relate. Her life is messed up right now, stuff keeps going WRONG. It is difficult enough to deal with your own life disappointments. But when someone loves you, they take those tragedies to heart as well. You're stuck dealing with your own feelings, and the feelings of someone who matters. Additionally, it is quite humiliating to be so vulnerable and exposed. To tell someone "I am a mess". Especially someone who matters.
To my someone who matters: I am a mess. I need you :(
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